Imagine: a gorgeous first-kiss shot of newlyweds at the altar, in perfect lighting, lush flowers all around them, that perfect moment captured in time forever.
…and then there’s Great-Aunt Wendy, standing smack-dab in the way of the photographer with her cell phone in hand, trying to capture the same perfect moment in her own blurry, off-center photo.
Smartphones and tablets (yes, I’ve seen guests bring their iPads to take photos and videos!) can completely ruin even the most elegant wedding ceremony.
Constant trilling and pings. Distracted guests.
And countless professional shots, ruined by well-meaning Great-Aunt Wendys.
What’s a bride to do? We can’t very well ask everyone to turn off their smart phones for our wedding…can we?
I’ve got great news: you absolutely can. And you totally should.
What Is an Unplugged, Tech-Free Wedding Ceremony?
An unplugged wedding is one where guests are asked not to use their cell phones. No photos, no videos, and certainly no calls or texts until the ceremony ends.
The same rules apply for iPads, even if children are using them.
It’s about staying present, enjoying the moment altogether, and not interfering with each other’s enjoyment of the ceremony.
Can Your Reception Be Unplugged Too?
Some brides do take it a step further and ask their guests not to use their smartphones at all—all the way through the reception.
While I can appreciate the idea—wanting everyone to stay present not just in the ceremony, but the entire evening—this is a huge wedding etiquette faux pas.
Asking your guests not to use their phones for the reception means they can’t accept calls, either. That’s a huge inconvenience for anyone who left kids with babysitters, is waiting on a job interview or other big news, or has other commitments they need connectivity for.
Truthfully, it’s not even about “need.” Guests have a right to use their phones at the reception.
It’s their party—a thank-you for attending the ceremony. If they want to play Pokemon Go while waiting for the buffet line, they can.
It’s also overly limiting of their camera use. Yes, you might provide cameras and/or have multiple photographers—but people enjoy documenting their own memories, too.
It’s not just your wedding they’re getting photos of, either: it’s themselves and their loved ones, all dressed up and enjoying the evening.
What’s more, you’ll miss out on some excellent candid shots the photographers would never capture.
That said, you can encourage guests not to use their phones during the reception. But rather than big signs reading, “Don’t use your phones,” “Phone-free zone,” or even, “Please, keep the reception unplugged,” stick with polite, non-demanding phrases.
Something like this is less bossy, but gets the point across beautifully:
“Photos and videos are permitted, but please don’t forget to enjoy yourself! Cameras are provided for anyone who decides to forgo phone use during the reception.”
9 Benefits of Keeping Your Ceremony Smartphone-Free
To reiterate, I don’t think a smartphone-free reception is wise. The reception is to thank your guests, and bossing them around at their own party isn’t a good look.
But for the ceremony? I absolutely advocate for going unplugged.
Here are 9 reasons why no phones, tablets, or other tech is the way to go.
1. No photobombs from Great-Aunt Wendy standing in the aisle.
As I touched on earlier, asking guests not to use their phones (or worse, their tablets) means no one is standing in the aisle, blocking pews, or jumping out of their seat to grab what they think is a perfect photo…while completely ruining the actually perfect one the photographer wanted to grab.
You’re paying a professional to document the ceremony. Not your relatives.
It also ruins the experience for other guests, who can’t hear amid shuffling, whispers, and shutter clicks. They can’t see through people blocking the aisle or standing from their seat.
2. Everyone is more present and “in the moment.”
Humans have always had to fight distractions and ground ourselves in the moment, but it’s even harder nowadays with mini computers in-hand.
Society expects us to stay connected 24-7. Ten or twenty minutes free from that expectation is a blessing.
So your guests might find the request to silence their phones and resist picture-taking…well, relaxing. It’s not often they’re allowed to do so, much less encouraged.
They’ll listen to the ceremony more closely, watch and absorb the sights around them, and truly experience the moment.
3. No one is distracting themselves—or others.
Fumbling with a smartphone is annoying. Sitting next to someone fumbling with a smartphone is even more annoying.
Going unplugged at your wedding ceremony means no one will (unknowingly) distract themselves digging out their phones, opening the camera, lining up the perfect shot, or silencing sudden calls and texts.
And, just as importantly, they won’t distract the guests around them, either.
4. It’s a thoughtful break to give your guests.
Again, your guests might appreciate your request to put their phones and tech away for a few minutes.
We all know we need less screen time, but we also live in a world that encourages more screen time than ever.
Getting told it’s not only okay to disconnect, but appreciated, feels great. Sometimes we need permission to do nice things for ourselves.
5. Children are (ironically) quieter.
I know some kids have sensory issues that require tips and tricks to work around, with tablet usage either as a distraction, or a means of communication. It’s up to you if you want to make that exception, depending on the children attending your ceremony.
But for most children, what starts as a quiet distraction can quickly cause more problems than it solves.
Kids whisper (loudly) when they get high scores. Or their Wi-Fi connection goes out, and all hell breaks loose. The battery gets drained, and suddenly Mom and Dad are shushing their way through a meltdown.
Walking into the ceremony and seeing your Unplugged Wedding sign will be a relief for most parents. It sets the expectation so Mom and Dad don’t have to. “Sorry, bud, that’s the rule.”
And sure, the kids might be bored. But when we’re talking about ten or twenty minutes—is that really such a big deal?
Kids are imaginative, and better at focusing than we might think. We just need to give them a chance to practice entertaining themselves.
Alternatively, if you’re going “no phones” at your ceremony…you might consider going “no kids” at your wedding as well.
6. You’ll look out to a sea of loved ones’ faces—not their phones.
Two images stand out in my memory of my wedding ceremony.
Walking down the aisle toward my husband…and looking out to the crowd and seeing rows and rows of smartphones. And one tablet, held so high I’m not sure anyone behind my aunt could see the altar.
I didn’t have an unplugged ceremony, and I regret it. We just didn’t think about it—in fact, I’d never heard of tech-free weddings back then.
That said, we had no pro photographer because money was so tight, and I did get some wonderful shots and footage from my friends and family.
But if I could do it over, I’d ask a select few to capture the ceremony, and request everyone else leave their smartphones (and tablets) put away.
When you stand and face your loved ones as husband and wife for the first time, you want to see their smiles. Not their phones.
7. No unflattering photos will leak to social media.
While the reception might be fair game (though you can request no one post anything to social media), we want to look as beautiful as we feel during the ceremony.
Your great-aunt’s blurry photo from her seat, capturing your worst angle imagineable, isn’t what you want to find on Facebook the next day.
Even if you do allow phones at your ceremony, I recommend asking guests not to post photos—at least for a few days. You’ll have time to untag yourself in ones you don’t want seen, and share your professional shots first.
Vain as this sounds, it’s not just about looks. Sometimes we don’t want certain people knowing we got married, or seeing our location. Frankly, we might just enjoy privacy in general.
8. Your intimate ceremony stays intimate.
Speaking of privacy: having your ceremony and vows recorded and plastered online is not every bride’s cup of tea.
One of my cousins had a big reception, but only 5 people at her wedding: her mother, the groom’s father, the officiant, and themselves. The ceremony was held in a tiny chapel near the reception tent. Everyone cheered when the couple joined the party, and didn’t feel like we “missed out” on the marriage; we still got to celebrate!
But the next day, the bride’s mother shared the entire ceremony to Facebook—without her daughter’s permission.
It got removed, but not before some panic and tears on the bride’s part. She had kept her ceremony so small and intimate for a reason: she valued her privacy, and didn’t enjoy being vulnerable in front of people. It had taken a lot just to speak her vows out loud to her fiancé!
Even if your ceremony is huge, filled with everyone you love and then some—that doesn’t mean you want those intimate thoughts in your vows, or the tears shed in happiness as you kissed your new spouse, plastered across the internet.
Going unplugged at your wedding nips that possibility in the bud.
9. “Unplugged” is actually pretty trendy right now.
I’m neither for nor against wedding trends. Some are timeless, some are fads; some make sense, and others are a hard pass.
Having an unplugged, no-phones wedding ceremony is timeless. (Yes, it’s relatively new since the advent of smartphones—but timelessness has to start somewhere, right?)
It also make perfect sense to me, with the “pros” list far outweighing any cons.
In fact, I hesitate to even say it’s a trend, because that implies it might fall out of fashion—but I think it’s here to stay.
So maybe a better word is “cool.”
In ten or twenty years, I think going unplugged will be standard practice at weddings. For now, it’s still uncommon enough to look edgy and ahead of the times—so embrace it!
Do Guests Hate Unplugged Ceremonies?
Despite all these reasons to have an unplugged wedding, you might be wondering: will my guests hate it?
The answer is no. In fact, most will adore the no-phones rule.
But the longer answer is—some might. And you get to ignore them.
First of all, the ceremony is about you and your fiancé. It’s your time to enter this lifelong commitment on your terms, exactly the way you want it to happen. If someone doesn’t like it, they’re welcome to step outside. It’s an honor to be asked to witness that big life event.
Second, a guest taking issue with “no phones” says more about them, than you.
Are they so tech-addicted they can’t silence a smartphone for ten minutes? Or arrogant enough to think their cell photos will surpass those of the photographer you hired for hundreds of dollars?
Maybe they’re just stubborn, and hate being told what to do.
Regardless of the reason they’re upset by your phone-free wedding, it’s not your problem.
The reception is for the guests: thanking them for witnessing your union and supporting you.
But the ceremony is yours. And if you want it unplugged, guests should respect that.
Again, though: most guests will love it, or at least feel neutral. We all know cell phones are distracting; most of us have a love-hate relationship with our devices, so your request is neither unusual nor outlandish. Most of the time, it’s a huge relief.
How to Tell Guests Your Ceremony Will Be Unplugged
You have two (really, three) options to tell guests not to use cell phones and tech at your wedding ceremony:
1. Put it on the invitations. “The wedding will be unplugged; please refrain from all smartphone use during the ceremony” at the bottom of your invites is short, sweet, and to the point.
2. Put it on a sign at the front of the venue. I suggest multiple signs, as big as you can, next to your welcome sign at the wedding venue. “This is an unplugged ceremony: please, no phone or tablet use.”
- For antsy guests worried they’ll miss great photo ops, you can add: “Professional photographers/videographers will capture the ceremony.” Your officiant can even make an announcement before the ceremony begins, for anyone who missed the signs on the way to their seat.
3. Do both—invitations and signs. It might feel pushy to put the reminder in more than one place, but you’d be surprised how many guests will completely miss the info the first time around. Hedge your bets and repeat it anywhere that feels natural.
However you get the word out, expect a little pushback here and there.
Then gently remind those naysayers this is your wedding, and you’re allowed to have it as tech-free or tech-filled as you like.
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Are you considering an unplugged ceremony? Share your reasons below!
