Every wedding I’ve been involved with, either in the wedding party or as a guest, I’ve heard at least one rumor that a bridesmaid has gotten pregnant.
Most of these maybe-buns in the oven are false alarms, or just that: rumors.
But a few were the real deal…and the bride often got upset. Half the time, they didn’t even know why—and they weren’t sure how to react to the news.
If you’re feeling conflicted, upset, or just worried one (or more) of your girls will be pregnant during their role in your wedding, read on for how to handle it—and some reactions you should definitely avoid.
11 Do’s and Don’ts When Reacting to A Pregnant Bridesmaid
1. Don’t kick a pregnant bridesmaid out of your wedding.
Thankfully, most brides out there will find this so ridiculous, they’ll wonder why it’s even included on this list. If that’s you, and you’d never dream of kicking her out, feel free to skip this one.
But a small group of brides out there do think it’s okay to kick a bridesmaid out just because she got pregnant. To them I say, “Get over yourselves.”
Those brides often feel entitled to the spotlight. They may believe all eyes need to be on them constantly at their wedding, and a pregnant bridesmaid will steal attention.
Spoiler: she won’t. People see pregnant women every day. And a few people congratulating her isn’t gonna kill the bride.
“But a pregnant bridesmaid can’t fulfill her role properly!” To that, I ask what on earth the bridesmaids will be doing.
Unless the answer is, “Participating in a sky-diving wedding,” the argument doesn’t hold water. Let the bridesmaid herself make the call as to whether or not she’s still capable.
2. Do congratulate her.
No matter what you feel in the moment when your bridesmaid says she’s pregnant, show support and excitement. That’s what friends do.
Even if the baby daddy is a deadbeat and you can’t stand him, channel some happiness for her.
Or even if she announces it at one of your wedding events, like the engagement party, because she’s got a tendency to always need the spotlight.
To be fair, yes: she’s being a bad friend by doing that. And you should absolutely call it out later, in private.
But in that moment, offering your congrats is not about what she deserves as a bad friend. It’s about what you should do as a good friend.
3. Don’t make the moment all about your wedding.
When your bridesmaid does announce her pregnancy, let her have that moment. Yes, the wedding is a huge deal—but so is this.
This a sneaky “don’t” item, by the way. You can still overshadow her moment without even meaning to.
For example, you might ask, “When are you due?” and not be able to resist adding, “Oh good, it’s way after the wedding.” Or showing disappointment that her due date is super close to your wedding date.
Consciously decide to focus the attention on her pregnancy, at least for a little while.
The major exception to this, of course, is if your bridesmaid has the boldness, attention-seeking tendencies, or completely lack of social grace to announce her pregnancy at your bridal shower or engagement party. In that case, congratulate her—but don’t feel the need to ask follow-ups or shower her with extra attention right then and there.
Her hijacking your event says more about her than anything else, and your guests will see that. Most of the time, the convo will switch organically back to the milestone at hand—your wedding. As it should.
4. Do ask her how she’s feeling, physically and emotionally.
Check in with your pregnant bridesmaid the same way you would if she weren’t a bridesmaid, just a pregnant friend. Ask how she’s feeling, what names she’s picked, etc.
Remember: she’s your friend first and a bridesmaid second.
The best way to remind yourself of that—and show her you recognize it—is to ask questions about her life just as often as you share details about your own.
In fact, the same rule can be applied to all your bridesmaids, pregnant or not.
5. Don’t assume she can’t still fulfill her duties as a bridesmaid because she’s pregnant.
I once heard a bride in full-blown tears over her bridesmaid getting pregnant.
As if that weren’t ridiculous enough, she admitted, “I knew it could happen, because they’ve been doing IVF for years…but still! What are the odds it would happen now, during my time? Now she can’t do anything I need her to.”
My jaw dropped, and I wasn’t the only one. Imagine being so myopic about your wedding, you couldn’t be thrilled your friend struggling for so many years finally got that positive test!
I never learned what that bride meant by “she can’t do anything I need her to,” but I think I know. Brides like that think of their bridesmaids as staff: unpaid laborers to do huge wedding DIY projects, set up the venue and clean it up afterwards, and generally be at their command 24-7.
Hopefully, this isn’t you. All you’re asking of your girls is to get a dress, stand beside you at the wedding, and pitch in for bachelorette or bridal shower festivities. Maybe a few extras, like a wedding craft night or fun girls’ brunch.
Either way, no matter how much or how little you’re asking of your girls—don’t assume the pregnant bridesmaid is down for the count. She’ll know what she is or isn’t capable of. And you can always modify her role as needed (more on that below).
6. Do offer assistance and modify her role as needed.
Most bridesmaids can easily be pregnant and in a wedding simultaneously, but some can’t. It depends on her specific duties and how her pregnancy is progressing.
If your bridesmaid falls into the latter category, talk her to about ways to accommodate what she needs—within reason.
For example, if swollen feet means she needs flat shoes while the other girls are in heels? No biggie. Even a seat at the altar, rather than standing, can be arranged.
But if she can’t fly cross-country in her ninth month to attend your wedding, it’s fair for you to refuse to move the date. It’s also fine if you do (provided there’s enough time to make that change).
Know where to make compromises, and where to hold firm. And if she asks something of you that’s downright ridiculous, don’t feel obligated just because she’s pregnant.
Overall, it depends on your level of friendship. True friends don’t ask too much of each other, and try to share that two-way street equally. Ideally, you can accommodate any small changes she needs—and she won’t ask more of you than necessary.
7. Don’t vent about the pregnant bridesmaid to the other bridesmaids.
Even if your pregnant bridesmaid is a grade-A attention-seeking, pain-in-the-butt drama queen—resist the urge to rant and rave about her to the other bridesmaids.
Infighting serves no one, and can destroy a wedding—not to mention friendships. Any problems you have with that bridesmaid should be addressed one-on-one.
While a little venting to friends is understandable, there’s a thin line between venting and talking behind someone’s back. It’s best to communicate problems directly, whenever possible.
And if you just need to get stuff off your chest, choose someone you can trust who isn’t in the wedding party.
The chances of it getting back to the bridesmaid are slimmer, and that person’s distance—not being so close to the situation themselves—might yield valuable insight and solutions you can’t see right now.
8. Do realize there’s room for both milestones and all celebrations.
It’s okay to feel slighted that your bridesmaid is pregnant while you’re planning the biggest event of your life. Especially if this seems to happen a lot—you get something good, and someone else comes along with something “better.”
First, realize that both milestones are important.
While there is a gravity to pregnancies that weddings don’t have (another life being created and all that), that doesn’t mean weddings aren’t significant.
Second, recognize that both things stretch out over a pretty lengthy time period—and that’s a lot of time to fill. There’s room in people’s schedules for both the bridal and baby showers.
More importantly, there’s room in people’s hearts for joy about both.
9. Don’t be afraid to refocus the group chat on your wedding…when it makes sense.
Just as you can’t make your friend’s pregnancy take a back seat to your wedding, she shouldn’t do the same to you constantly.
If the bridesmaid group chat veers off-course with pregnancy talk now and then, that’s okay. They have their own lives and things going on, after all. It can’t all be wedding, 24-7.
But it can’t be all “baby” either. Especially if the chat was created specifically for your wedding party. Details need to be decided, dresses need to get ordered, etc.
Feel free to nudge the convo back on-track when it makes sense to do so.
Example: you ask the girls if they like the dress you just linked to for them to wear, and suddenly the chat has become a maternity clothes conversation.
How do you handle it? Let it ride for a few minutes, to see if anyone else steers the topic back first. If not, work in a natural-sounding segue:
“I can’t wait to see that maternity top on you, [Pregnant Bridesmaid]! Speaking of, do you think you’ll need maternity alterations to that bridesmaid dress I linked?”
You can also just cut straight to the point, if that’s more your style: “Not that I’m not excited about [Name]’s pregnancy, but we do need to nail down the dress choice today. Does everyone like that one?”
10. Don’t tell the pregnant bridesmaid you’re mad or upset over this.
Chances are, your feelings are knee-jerk reactions that will fade soon. Don’t show or share those temporary emotions with your pregnant bridesmaid. It’ll create a rift where one doesn’t need to exist.
It’s not lying—just recognizing that she needs your happiness and support. You’re simply waiting for those feelings to surface through the other stuff.
One major exception: do tell her if you’re mad or upset at her for revealing her pregnancy during one of your wedding events, like the bridal shower. It’s just a huge friendship violation, and she needs to be told it wasn’t cool.
But do so privately, and face-to-face if possible, so miscommunication doesn’t make things worse.
11. Do show your friend happiness and support, just as she did for you.
Your wedding is probably the center of your universe right now. Not even in a selfish way: it’s just too big not to be.
But the way your brain is consumed by all things wedding? The way it dictates your finances, schedule, and almost every aspect of your life right now?
That’s how your bridesmaid is feeling about her pregnancy.
Putting things into perspective can help you feel the happiness and excitement for her that she was feeling for you when you announced your engagement.
5 Things Not to Do If You’re the Pregnant Bridesmaid
Maybe you’re reading this not because you’re the bride, but rather the bridesmaid with a bump.
If so, here are the 5 worst ways to handle the situation:
1. Announce you’re pregnant at the bride’s engagement party or bridal shower.
Just don’t do it. It’s rude, entitled, and tone deaf.
This is not your moment; it’s the bride and groom’s. Create your own—don’t hijack theirs.
2. Constantly steer the conversation to your pregnancy.
I get it: pregnancy consumes our brains the same way planning a wedding does. It’s hard not to think about it 24-7, and therefore talk about it 24-7.
But recognize when conversations naturally flow that way, and when you’re forcing them.
3. Ditch your bridesmaid duties when you’re capable of doing them.
Yes, pregnancy is hard; complications do arise.
But recognize when you’re legitimately unable to do something, and when you’re just making excuses because you don’t want to do it. It’s not fair to ditch your responsibilities if you can fulfill them.
4. Dictate the wedding date based on your due date.
You wouldn’t schedule an induction or C-section based on the bride’s wedding date—so why ask her to move her wedding based on your due date?
While a best friend might move a far-off wedding to accomodate you, you can’t and shouldn’t expect that. And you definitely shouldn’t ask.
5. Assume your life event is bigger than your friend’s.
Just because you’ve been there, done that with your wedding and now feel pregnancy is a bigger deal, doesn’t mean that’s true for your friend. Both events are important life milestones, and both deserve attention and celebration.
What If All My Bridesmaids are Pregnant?
They say pregnancy is contagious. And if all your bridesmaids get pregnant before your wedding, you’ll probably believe that whole-heartedly.
It’s tough, but follow the same do’s and don’ts for all your bridesmaids. Congratulate them. Accomodate them within reason. And don’t assume they can’t still fulfill their roles; let them make that decision, and work with problems as they arise. Don’t jump to worst-case conclusions.
Most importantly: don’t get swept into the “why me” cycle of self-pity.
Life goes on, even during wedding planning. Your girls have their own stuff going on too—job promotions, engagements, and yes, even pregnancies. Your wedding might feel like the center of your universe right now, but it isn’t theirs. Just another (important) piece.
Finding A Beautiful or Last-Minute Maternity Bridesmaid Dress
If one or more of your bridesmaids are pregnant, you might be concerned with how they’ll look in the bridesmaid dress you picked.
First: take the pressure off yourself. Everyone wants to look their best in a wedding, and your bridesmaid—pregnant or not—is no exception. She’s thinking about it already, so it’s overkill for you to be concerned.
Second, know that she can’t predict when she’ll show, how much weight she will or won’t gain, or what dresses will or won’t flatter her. She can only guess based on what month she’ll be in.
If the wedding falls early in her pregnancy, she’ll likely be able to keep the original dress. Ditto if it’s a flowy option, like an empire skirt with lots of gathering.
Small baby bumps can be accommodated by letting a dress out, most of the time.
For bridesmaids or maid of honors further along in their pregnancies, plenty of stunning maternity options exist.
Finally, if you’re upset because she won’t “match” the other girls (physically or dress-wise), ask yourself why you care so much. Did you ask her to be in your wedding because she’s one of your dearest friends or family members? Or because you wanted a bunch of identical bridesmaids as photo props?
Hopefully—and for most brides—it’s the former. Just remind yourself that what really matters is whether or not your friend is there beside you on the big day. What she’s wearing doesn’t really matter, even if it feels like a huge deal right now.
If it’s the latter, you need to recalibrate how you think about weddings—and friendships in general.
Overall, A Pregnant Bridesmaid is Still Just A Bridesmaid
For the most part, nothing has to change when your bridesmaid or maid of honor gets pregnant.
A few dress accommodations or shoe swaps, navigating conflicting dates for pre-baby and pre-wedding events—these are hiccups, not hurdles.
Let yourself feel disappointment, or even a twinge of jealousy, but show your friend the support and enthusiasm she’s given you. Your negative feelings will likely fade soon, and you’ll realize there’s room for both life milestones.
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Do you have or have you been a pregnant bridesmaid? Share your stories below!
