Whether small and simple or huge and extravagant, your wedding is undoubtedly one of the biggest events of your life—so it can be extremely hurtful when our friends and family, or even our bridesmaids, don’t seem excited about it.
From going MIA in text threads to skipping bridal showers, there are plenty of ways people may (inadvertently) signal a lack of interest in your big day.
Worst of all, it can make you feel like they don’t support your marriage before it’s even started.
So: what’s a bride to do?
There are some solutions to get people more involved—and tips to make sure you’re not taking things too personally—but first, let’s look at the most common reasons people don’t seem interested in your wedding.
8 Reasons People Aren’t Excited About Your Wedding
1. It’s not their wedding.
First and foremost: this is your big day, not theirs.
It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy for you, but the level of excitement you’re feeling just isn’t going to hit them the same way, if at all.
Think about the last time you saw online that someone had a baby or bought a house, two similar milestones to getting married. Most likely, you were happy for them—or even thrilled, if you know them well.
But do you think you were even half as excited as they were?
You might come across this phrase frequently in bridal forums: “No one cares about your wedding as much as you.”
And it’s somewhat true, but not because people are selfish. It’s simply because people are people.
A better way to phrase it, perhaps, is “No one thinks about your wedding as much as you.” Just like no one thinks about a new house as much as the people buying it, or a new baby as much as the couple who’s expecting.
What seems like selfishness is really just self-centeredness, the kind all humans share: we care more about our own life, because it’s the only one we’re truly experiencing. Everyone is their own main character, on their own unique adventures.
So it’s not that people don’t care about your story—it’s just not the one they’re living.
2. They just aren’t “into” weddings.
Have you ever gone to a sporting event you knew next to nothing about?
You probably sat on the bleachers, sweating in the blinding sun, trying to follow along in vain. Sure, you might’ve asked questions or learned some of the rules—enough to make things interesting—but you probably started getting bored before halftime.
Or maybe you even truly hated it, and found everyone else’s obsession with it mind-boggling.
That’s exactly how some people feel about weddings.
They’ve all got different reasons, of course. Some are jaded due to their own past experiences, while others think they’re a waste of money. Others don’t believe marriage is necessary, or think the entire concept is outdated.
And some people don’t hate weddings at all—they just don’t get them.
Just as every sport isn’t every person’s cup of tea, weddings simply aren’t for everyone. Even a lot of brides don’t enjoy weddings.
If your friends’ eyes glaze over when you start talking about your wedding details, there’s a possibility this just isn’t something they “get.”
3. They are excited for your wedding…just not showing it how you prefer.
Everyone expresses themselves differently. Where one friend might squeal with happiness when you announce your engagement, another might offer a heartfelt “congrats” and call it a day.
We’d all love it if the entire world acted like the first friend, all the way through our wedding! It’s fun to have someone who’s just as happy as you are, who can match your energy and make you feel undoubtedly loved.
But the fact is, not everyone expresses themselves that way. While one of my bridesmaids cried with happiness over her bridesmaid gift, for example, another gave me a hug and said thanks.
Both were just as grateful—they just showed it in different ways.
Excitement is no different. People have unique mannerisms and personalities, so they show their feelings uniquely too.
So it’s possible that someone you think isn’t excited for your wedding is, in actuality, over the moon. Their reaction just isn’t the one you were hoping for.
4. It’s too far into the future for them to get excited yet.
Time moves incredibly fast when you’ve got a wedding to plan.
Brides know that six months, a year, two years—it’s going to fly by, with most of our spare time devoted to wedding planning in one form or another.
But to your friends, family, and bridesmaids? Six months is six months. A year is a year.
With the exception of pre-wedding events and the day itself, chances are their life is not going to change but so much, the way yours will.
Give it time. The closer the date gets, the more excitement most of your loved ones will show.
5. You’ve (unintentionally) talked their ear off about it for months.
Tough love time: you might be the problem, here.
Fortunately, you’re far from alone. Almost every bride in history has realized, at one point or another, that all they can talk about lately is their wedding.
And it’s not just brides: pregnant women talk about pregnancy a lot. New parents talk about babies. New homeowners talk about their house.
We tend to talk most about the things currently affecting our lives the most, so don’t feel bad if you come to find you’ve let your wedding dominate conversations. It happens!
The good news is: you can correct this.
When you hang out with friends or family, don’t talk about your wedding until prompted, and try to keep it limited to the biggest 3 developments.
Also, make sure you’re asking about the other person’s life too. Even something as simple as what books they’re reading right now, or what shows they’re binge-watching on Netflix, can help the conversation feel more balanced.
Another note: even if you think you don’t talk about your wedding much at all, you might unknowingly be “wearing people out” with too many small details elsewhere.
This is especially easy to do with bridesmaids. Constant “what do you think of this?” tags on social media, invites to Pinterest collab boards, reminders in the group thread—they’re tiny, but collectively overwhelming to some people.
6. You’ve been posting about your wedding pretty frequently.
If people don’t seem excited about your wedding because they never ask you any questions about it…it might be because you’re already sharing every detail online.
This is fine to do, of course. It’s your page: people can scroll on past if they don’t like it, and it’s a fun way for you to document your wedding journey.
But it might also be contributing to the lack of enthusiasm you’re seeing from people.
This doesn’t mean they’re not looking forward to your wedding, or uninterested. They might just feel like they’re up to speed already, so why rehash details you both already know?
If it really bugs you, try limiting what you share online, or how frequently. Leave some mystery about your wedding planning, and questions will soon follow.
7. They don’t like your spouse-to-be, think you’re too young, or don’t agree with your wedding choices.
Maybe it’s not that people aren’t excited you’re getting married, but more the circumstances around it.
If they dislike your fiancé, it can hard to feign excitement that you’re going to be with that person forever.
(PS: no need to get paranoid! Someone not being excited about your wedding doesn’t mean they don’t like your spouse. Chances are, you’d know well beforehand how they feel about your partner, and their lack of enthusiasm won’t be a shock.)
Maybe you’re getting married at a young age, and your family isn’t thrilled about it.
If you’ve planned a destination wedding, your blasé bridesmaid might just have concerns about how she’ll afford it. Similarly, elopements upset some guests, especially family members.
All of these are, in their own way, understandable for someone to seem unhappy about your nuptials, or to make themselves distant whenever the topic comes up.
There could also be a less understandable reason, like differences in taste. If you’ve chosen a small, traditional chapel wedding, that friend who thinks cliffside in Maui would be perfect—and worse, keeps insisting you change your mind—isn’t gonna get but so pumped up about your wedding details.
8. They’ve got their own stuff going on.
Touching back to the first item on this list, people have their own lives. We know this logically, but it can still be hard not to take their lack of interest personally and keep the truth in perspective.
Your bridesmaids or friends might have a lot on their plates, too: school, work, kids, bills…the list goes on.
You can tell this is the reason someone’s disinterested in your wedding if they were excited and involved recently, but have suddenly dropped off.
And even if you can’t tell for sure, it’s worth asking. A check-in might mean the world to them, if they’re going through something especially tough right now.
What Should I Do If People Aren’t Excited About My Wedding?
Now that you have a list of reasons why people aren’t (or at least, don’t seem) to care about your wedding, what can you do about it?
Reaching out to people about their own lives, talking less about your wedding plans, and giving people space (and grace) if they’re overwhelmed are all great places to start.
In the end, however, you can’t change anyone’s behavior.
You can only change how you react to it.
Identify what, exactly, upsets you the most about their lack of excitement. Is it that you feel you have no one to bounce ideas off of? Bridal forums and Facebook groups can provide a community of other brides, eager to swap ideas, reviews, grievances, and words of encouragement.
It’s not the same as a trusted friend, of course, but it’s a start!
If you’re more concerned people don’t seem to care about your wedding because you feel like that means no one cares about you, it’s time to scroll up and read that list again—because not a single one involves your friends or family not loving you!
You are not your wedding, and people’s interest in it (or lack thereof) isn’t a measure of their love for you.
Help! Even My Bridesmaids Don’t Care About My Wedding
This, admittedly, is a unique situation from the scenarios listed above.
While it’s certainly true that bridesmaids have their own lives, might get talked out if you share wedding plans too much, or may not be “into” weddings at all—they did agree to be your bridesmaids.
So if they don’t seem one bit excited about your wedding, it begs the question…why did they even say yes to being in it?
The most common reasons for a bridesmaid seeming distant or unenthusiastic are:
- They were excited, but are overwhelmed with details now, or want to talk about other things with you for a while.
- They said yes because they felt pressured, but didn’t really mean it.
- They don’t have enough money for their dress, travel, or other wedding preparations.
- They don’t like your other bridesmaids, or infighting is causing chaos, to the point even talking about the big day stresses them out.
- You’ve asked too much of them, and now they regret saying yes.
Fortunately, no matter what the reason, you’ve got options to address the issues.
How to Get Your Bridesmaids More Excited for the Wedding
This list isn’t exhaustive, of course. There are hundreds of reasons a bridesmaid might not show enthusiasm for your wedding, many out of your control.
But other reasons, especially those you’ve inadvertently caused or contributed to, can be addressed. Some ideas:
- Schedule coffee or lunch with your bridesmaids one-on-one. Briefly (if at all) discuss wedding plans if she asks, but focus on her life as much as you can.
- If a bridesmaid said yes but didn’t mean it, give her an out—and assure her the friendship won’t be impacted. Note: only do this if you know for a fact she wants to step down. Don’t just assume, since that can feel tantamount to accusing her of lying.
- Brainstorm more affordable solutions for your bridesmaids. Yes, personal finances are…well, very personal. But if your bridesmaids’ wallets are feeling the hit, be open to cheaper options to help them out, from the bachelorette party to new dresses.
- If your bridesmaids hate each other or don’t get along, you can’t always fix it. You can, however, encourage resolution, common interests—or just let them sort it out themselves, like adults should. (PS: If this is a huge issue in your wedding party, check out my post on what to do if your bridesmaids hate each other.)
- Perform a brutally honest self-audit to ensure you haven’t asked too much of them. Make sure you’re not monopolizing their time or money, bossing them around instead of directing them, or treating them like staff and personal assistants.
- Lean into the people in your life who are excited for your wedding. If you have a friend or relative who seems to never tire of wedding talk, embrace it! They don’t have to be in your wedding party to become your go-to for sharing details.
Conclusion: Yes, You’re the Most Excited—and It’ll Probably Stay That Way
It’s hard not to get hurt feelings when no one seems to care about your wedding, especially bridesmaids.
Most of the time, however, the person actually has a good reason: they’re busy, not excited about weddings in general, cynical about marriage, or simply not thinking as far ahead as you are.
Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do to make people excited about your wedding. All you can really do is train yourself to not mind as much, by reminding yourself of the Number One reason: it’s not their wedding. It’s yours.
Yes, no one cares about it quite as much as you do—but that’s because no one can.
No Comments