Perhaps due to the 2009 film I Love You, Man, it’s become a bit of a joke when a groom can’t fill out the ranks in his half of the wedding party. But in real life, it’s not all that funny to have no groomsmen: it’s stressful—to the groom, and the bride.
Adding salt to the wound is when you can find plenty of girls to be your bridesmaids, from family members to lifelong friends. Even if your fiancé says he doesn’t mind not having groomsmen, that stark contrast of your side vs. his might sting.
And of course, it might highlight another issue: your fiancé’s lack of close friendships.
So what can you do to help your fiancé fill out his groomsmen ranks, if he doesn’t have enough candidates?
5 Ways to Get Your Fiancé Some Groomsmen
1. Look at family members.
If your fiancé doesn’t have that many friends—or at least, friends who are nearby and available to be groomsmen—it’s worth looking at his family tree. Brothers, cousins, or even his father can stand beside him on your wedding day.
Family connections aren’t always as smooth roads as friends, but often run even deeper.
You can also look at your family members. Do you have brothers or male cousins you were close to growing up, or are close to now? There’s no rule that your wedding parties have to be “your” people.
Besides: after the wedding, they’ll be both of yours.
2. Consider “groomsmaids” instead, or a best woman.
If your fiancé has a sister or female friends, why not have them join his half of the wedding party?
Best women and groomsmaids don’t have to wear suits (though they can—and look incredible doing it). You can have them wear the same dresses as your bridesmaids, the same or similar dresses in accent colors, match their clothes to the groom’s tie or suit colors…there’s no shortage of options!
If your fiancé has mostly female friends or all sisters, including them in the wedding party as an alternative to groomsmen (or in addition to) is absolutely a viable option.
Bonus: breaking one wedding tradition gives you freedom to buck other expectations that don’t work for you as a couple.
Perhaps you’ve never liked the idea of only women attending bridal showers. Make it co-ed! You’re going to include the women from his side of the wedding party anyway, so why not get everyone in on the fun?
Likewise, the groom and any other men in the wedding party (your side or his) can join you and the girls for traditionally “women-only” wedding planning outings.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses can turn into an “outfit the whole party” afternoon, beginning with brunch and bonding.
And yes, you can add men to your side too. Having a man of honor or bridesman isn’t as uncommon as you might think.
3. Rekindle old friendships.
The main reason you might be concerned your fiancé has no groomsmen is that, deep down, you’re worried that means he has no friends.
Rest assured, this is nearly impossible.
After all, you fell in love with all these wonderful traits he’s got—so it’s unlikely he’s made it through so many decades on this earth without someone else seeing those great qualities, too.
Even if they’re not terribly close friendships, or he hasn’t spoken to those friends in years—he’s got them. They just might need rekindling.
Reconnecting with college roommates, old teammates from high school, or even distant family members can yield groomsmen pretty quickly.
Your fiancé can start by reaching out on social media. Setting up a lunch or dinner to catch up is a great first step.
And, depending on how close he and that friend used to be (and still feel, despite the time and distance), he might be able to ask them to be a groomsmen that very same day. For other friendships, it might take a few visits.
This isn’t just a means to an end, either. In other words, he’s not doing it just to fill out the groomsmen roster.
It solves that nagging issue of “no friends” at the back of your mind—and probably his, as well.
4. Just have bridesmaids, or let the sides be uneven.
Maybe the issue isn’t that your fiancé has no groomsmen, just not many.
It’s a common misconception that your bridesmaids and groomsmen have to be “equal.” There’s nothing wrong with a groomsmen walking two bridesmaids down the aisle, or having everyone walk solo.
And in photos, a skilled photographer knows how to naturally place everyone so the composition looks balanced.
In short, it’s perfectly fine to have uneven sides in your wedding.
It’s also fine to have no groomsmen or groomsmaids—your bridesmaids can stand on either side if you’ve got a lot, or stick to the spot behind you at the altar if there’s just a few of them.
5. Have no wedding party at all.
Finally, consider bucking the wedding party tradition completely: don’t have one.
Your best friends and family can still help with parties and events; they can still join you for bridal brunches and wedding dress shopping. Nothing has to change just because they aren’t bridesmaids in an official sense.
Just the two of you standing at the altar—with your officiant, of course—will look just as stunning, and maybe even more poetic or impactful, than if you two are flanked by lines of identically-dressed party members.
Not having any groomsmen or bridesmaids also eliminates wedding party infighting and drama, and a lot of the headaches from coordinating group outings. You don’t have to stress when someone doesn’t order their dress or tux on time. Your friends can attend and enjoy your wedding without the pressure of being “on stage,” so to speak.
Don’t Stress It—Your Fiancé Has Options for Groomsmen
Somewhere in this list is one or more solutions to the “no groomsmen” issue. You might have to get creative, or let go of your old vision of what the altar lineup should look like. But you two can definitely make this work.
If you’re not sure where to start or what to do, ask your fiancé. He’s probably got ideas and input for his side of the wedding party, or preferences on not having one at all.
Lastly: don’t stress it.
I know, easier said than done!
But bottom line, it’s okay if your fiancé doesn’t have a lot of friends; he might be introverted, preferring a few close relationships over many varying ones.
Or his friends live far away, with commitments they can’t drop to be in the wedding. Maybe he’s closer to his family members and considers them his friends, or finds it easier to forge friendships with women.
Whatever the reason, there’s no need to put undue pressure on yourself to have “matching” sides. You don’t need to have groomsmen at all, or can opt for non-traditional ones like the groom’s family, your family, or his female friends.
And there’s definitely nothing wrong with your husband-to-be, if he is a “lone wolf” type without a huge group of friends.
After all, he will have at least one friend standing beside him at the altar: you.
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