It’s never too last-minute to add a bridesmaid, technically speaking—even if you’ve got literal moments before your march down the aisle.
After all, if people can get married on a whim in Vegas or at a courthouse, why can’t we add bridesmaids whenever we please?
There are, however, some pitfalls to waiting too late or asking at the last second. Not just literally speaking, but even with a couple months or weeks left until the wedding date.
Your newest bridesmaid won’t have the same prep time as your other wedding party members. Money, energy, and time are even more finite if she joins too last-minute.
What’s more, she could be more likely to turn down the role altogether.
As a last-minute bridesmaid addition myself, here are some of the most (and least) thoughtful things you can do as a bride when adding another maid to the lineup.
8 Do’s and Don’ts When You Add Another Bridesmaid
1. Do give the bridesmaid candidate as much notice as possible.
Every minute matters. If you know with reasonable certainty you’ll need or want an additional bridesmaid, ask your candidate right away.
Waiting a week or two to solidify your choice is fine. But don’t let the wedding countdown reach a few weeks left (or days!) if you don’t have to.
The more notice she has, the more money she can save, and the more she can mentally and physically prepare for her role in your wedding. She’ll also need to rearrange her schedule, make travel arrangements, and get up to speed on all the wedding deets.
Giving her as much time as you can is both practical and polite.
2. Do offer her an out, and don’t expect she’ll say yes.
As much as we want all our potential bridesmaids to say “Of course!” and jump for joy when we ask, this isn’t always reality. And that’s especially true when we ask them too close to the wedding date.
Keep your expectations in check—and take some pressure off your maybe-bridesmaid—by emphasizing that she doesn’t have to accept. Assure her you understand if she can’t or doesn’t want to be in the wedding, especially given how soon it will be.
Admittedly, this is a tough thing to do. We want a yes so badly, offering an out feels like speaking the worst outcome into existence.
Look at it this way, instead: you’re making sure her answer is the honest one. Not just the one you want.
It’s better to have an empty bridesmaid slot, than one filled by someone who felt guilted into saying yes.
3. Don’t ask her more than once.
I’ve seen this referred to as “bullying” in some bridal posts, which feels like a huge exaggeration, frankly. It’s not bullying.
It is, however, kind of rude and pushy.
And I would know: I’ve had it happen to me! Turning down the same bridesmaid role twice is easily one of the most awkward conversations I’ve ever had. And it shouldn’t have been.
It’s worth noting, I’m not mad at the bride over it. She thought my reasons for turning it down had changed, but they hadn’t. I do wish she’d respected my first “no” from the start, though.
Respect your candidate’s answer, and don’t make her rejection of the role any more awkward for her than it already is.
4. Don’t press her for a “good reason” if she says no; she doesn’t owe you one.
Related to the tip above: don’t dig for the “why” if a bridesmaid candidate turns it down.
For one thing, you might not like the answers you get.
Some will be dissatisfying (like money being tight, when you feel your wedding would be very affordable for her to take part in). Other reasons she might give will be hard to hear—like maybe she doesn’t know you very well, and thinks it’s strange you’ve even asked.
Regardless, even if she’s got the best reason in the world not to be a bridesmaid?
She doesn’t owe you that explanation.
Listen: it’s okay to be curious. We all want to know the “why” behind the “no” when we don’t get what we’re after.
But that curiosity, at its core, is our brain trying to identify a problem so that we can fix it. And it’s not our problem to solve. Truth be told, that person’s reason not to be a bridesmaid is none of our business.
Giving into that curiosity and pressing your friend or family member for a reason will lead to you stepping over her boundaries and right to privacy, even if you don’t mean to.
5. Don’t add a bridesmaid you aren’t close to just to “even up the sides.”
Having “even sides” in your wedding party isn’t an inherently good or bad desire.
Yes, photos look more balanced. Every bridesmaid gets a groomsman to walk with.
But on the flip side, those elements don’t matter much if you do have uneven sides. Photos will look balanced as long as the photographer has an eye for composition. Some groomsmen can walk alone, if need be.
The point is: it’s fine if your sides match. But adding extra bridesmaids you wouldn’t otherwise have in your wedding, just to make the sides even? It’s unnecessary, and not the best play anyway.
Why burden this individual with a hefty expense (travel, clothing, etc.) not because you want them beside you, but because the “sides have to match” (when they don’t)?
And worst of all, if that person were to ever find out that’s why she was chosen? You’ll have turned what should’ve been an honor into a hollow and meaningless role.
I’ve had this happen to me before, as well: getting asked to be in a bridal party late in the game because someone else dropped. The matron of honor told me it was just to make the sides even.
Needless to say, I didn’t feel bad about turning that role down.
6. Do add another bridesmaid if you feel she should have been in your wedding party all along.
Many weddings I’ve been involved with had bridesmaids or groomsmen added just months out from the wedding. A few were just days away, in fact!
In some cases, the couples realized how much certain people meant to them, or availabilities changed, or—the best reason of all—they had grown closer to those individuals during wedding planning.
Maybe you and your future sister-in-law didn’t know each other well, when you first selected your bridesmaids. But now she’s quickly feeling like your own sister, after spending so much time together doing wedding things or at family events.
If this is the case, definitely don’t feel strange about asking a person to join the bridal crew late in the game.
In fact, tell them that’s the reason why: that you feel you two have grown closer over time, and you can’t imagine getting married without them by your side. They’ll be truly honored and thrilled to hear you confirm that new closeness, whether or not they can accept the role.
7. Do put as much effort into her maid-posal as you did for your other bridesmaids.
If you presented your original bridesmaids with cards, gifts, or other special elements when you asked them, try to do the same for your last-minute addition too.
Just because her experience will be shorter, doesn’t mean it should be any less special!
PS: Yes, your last-minute bridesmaid should also receive a bridesmaid gift, even if she didn’t or couldn’t help as much with pre-wedding plans.
8. Don’t expect the same financial or time contribution from her as the rest of the wedding party.
Speaking of shorter: keep in mind your newest bridesmaid hasn’t had as much notice as the others to save up money or reconfigure her schedule.
As such, she probably won’t able to contribute exactly as much money, time, or energy as your other girls have (or will).
Cut new bridesmaids some slack where you can, and make sure they know what the expectations will be before they accept.
Only Add Another Bridesmaid for the Right Reasons
At the end of the day, the most important tip in this list is to add bridesmaids only if those people are close to you or your fiancé, and you truly want them at the altar with you.
Feeling obligated because you hurt someone’s feelings by excluding them, or because you want to even out the wedding party sides, aren’t great reasons. They turn the honor of being a bridesmaid into something superficial or hollow.
But if your reasons are sound—you truly want that person to be a bridesmaid, but didn’t or couldn’t ask her earlier for whatever reason—go ahead! There’s no deadline for bridal lineups.
Again, do be prepared for some downsides of asking this late in the game. Your bridesmaid candidate might be more apt to reject the role, the closer the wedding date is.
She also won’t have the same time or money to devote as the other girls, in some cases, if she does accept.
As long as you’re prepared for those potential issues—and flexible, to accommodate them—it’s never really too late to add a new bridesmaid.
_____
Are you adding a last-minute bridesmaid, or have you been one yourself? Share your experiences below!
