We’ve all seen a few brides on our social media who, at least to outsiders, seem like no sooner did they throw the bouquet than they’re posting pregnancy announcements.
But what happens when you’re looking to be that bride?
People who jump straight from a wedding to having a baby all have their own reasons for doing so (and many don’t necessarily do it on purpose). You might not yet know why you want a baby so early in your marriage.
Or maybe you do, and you’re just doubting yourself, wondering if it’s too soon to have a kid.
But how soon is “too soon” to have a child after you get married?
First, let’s look at some common reasons brides can get so eager to sport a baby bump right after they say “I do.”
5 Reasons You Might Be Rushing a Baby After Marriage
1. You’re eager for that “next life milestone” feeling.
When you spend decades dreaming of your wedding, it can be a bit of a letdown (or a huge heartache) when the event flies by so quickly.
Weddings feel like such huge and momentous moments in our lives (and they are), but they pass just like any other event. And when they’re over, brides can often feel lost or bored, or restless for the “next big thing” in our lives.
For some couples, that next thing is buying a house together. Others dive into their careers, or make big moves to other cities for a fresh start.
And some go straight from wedding planning, to having a baby and starting a family.
If this sounds like you, it’s worth reminding yourself that while big life milestones are exciting, so are all those little moments in between.
You’ll never get this “honeymoon phase” with your spouse again—consider savoring it as long as you can before embarking on your next adventure together.
2. Wedding planning made you feel productive and busy; “baby planning” fills that void.
Consider the possibility that it isn’t the “milestone feeling” you’re missing—it’s the planning.
Yes, that very same thing you complained about or even dreaded the last year and some change: part of you might be missing it. A lot.
Wedding planning gives us a unique structure, mission, and sense of fulfillment. It comes pre-loaded with to-do lists and tasks, and provides endless projects to accomplish.
And so does parenthood.
So it’s not that much of a stretch to wonder: is at least part of why you want a baby so close to your wedding, because you now miss that “bride” identity? The sense of purpose working towards that milestone gave you?
It’s possible you aren’t feeling fulfilled at work, or in your hobbies or social life—and wedding planning filled that gap. Maybe deep down, you’re hoping a baby would too.
3. You’ve got something to prove.
If you’re getting married young, or to someone your family and friends don’t like, you might be rushing having a baby after marriage because you’ve got something to prove:
That you’re capable, your spouse is capable, and this union is here to stay.
To be fair, this is more than understandable. Most of us get the relentless urge to prove others wrong when they doubt us.
And sometimes, spite can be an incredible motivator: going to college because someone tells you it’ll be impossible, or saving for a house when everyone around you says it’s a waste of time.
But a child isn’t an accomplishment to reach and shove in people’s faces.
What’s more, rushing parenthood before you’re truly ready won’t change anyone’s mind.
They’re going to believe what they want to about you—that you’re too young and immature to know what you want, let alone raise a kid. Or that your spouse is no good for you and now, they’ll be no good for the child too.
Address the comments directly, and cut down contact (or go no-contact altogether) with people who can’t push their own opinions aside and be happy that you’re happy.
4. You’re compensating for regrets or doubts about your marriage.
For some brides who want a baby right after marriage, it’s not other people they’re trying to prove wrong—it’s themselves.
Or, rather, the nagging little voice of regret in their heads.
If you’re having doubts about who you married, or regret the decision, it can be incredibly difficult to admit it to yourself. You don’t want to be wrong about such a huge event, especially since fixing that mistake could mean parting ways with a person you truly care about (or thought you did).
While counseling and equal effort from both spouses can make even the rockiest start into a storybook marriage, that’s not going to happen overnight. Nor will leaving and annulling the marriage or getting a divorce, if that’s the path you find yourself facing.
Either way, whether you can make the marriage work or have to call it quits, the process takes time. Bringing a child into it—whether it’s to double-down on your decision and quiet the doubt, or in the false hopes your partner will suddenly transform into a different person—isn’t fair to the baby.
What’s more, it won’t work: it’ll just complicate your decision to stay or go, and tie you to that person forever—for better or worse.
5. You’re genuinely ready for a baby; the timing being so close to your wedding is a coincidence.
Finally, there’s the possibility that none of the above reasons apply to you. Your marriage is rock solid, you’re not out to prove anything, and you’re relieved wedding planning is over—not missing it.
Is it still too soon for a kid?
Ultimately, it’s a decision only you can make. There are factors to consider, of course—financial stability, housing, your career plans—but in terms of feeling ready, you’ll know it when you reach it. And if you still have doubts about whether it not it’s too soon, it’s better to err on the side of waiting.
Because I had a child before marriage, I tend to encourage newlyweds in my life to wait at least 6 months before considering children.
The truth is, it’s going to feel like not much has changed now that you’re married, but it has. Even my situation, getting married when I already had a kid and lived with my fiancé, felt different once the wedding ended.
It’s not a bad feeling—more of a gravity.
Marriage, like children, ties you to your partner in a way that wasn’t there before. It’s kind of like moving in together: your lives intertwine more and more with each new milestone.
Take time to adjust to those. Take time to enjoy them.
My husband and I never got time to be newlyweds in the honeymoon stage, planning our lives out together. Life kind of happened to us, at least for a few years.
And while we of course don’t regret our kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world, it was tough to adjust to newlywed life and parenthood all at once.
Having A Baby Right After Your Wedding Can Be the Right Move…Sometimes
Brides who want babies right after the wedding all have their own reasons.
They might be regretting the marriage, hoping a baby will fix things. They might be eager to prove naysayers wrong.
Some brides miss that “big life event” feeling the wedding gave them, or even miss the wedding planning itself.
And others are genuinely and truly eager to become parents, ready to jump into that next stage of life with both feet. Or at least explore the possibility.
So how soon is too soon to have a baby after getting married?
Assuming it’s for the right reasons, there really is no ideal timeline. Six months to a year is wise, to fully enjoy the honeymoon stage, pay off any wedding-related debt, and adjust to married life before having to adjust to parenthood.
But whether you wait 2 weeks, 2 years, or even longer, only you can decide if you’re truly ready. And frankly, sometimes we don’t feel completely ready until life happens to us, and we’re holding the baby in our arms.
What do you think on bride-to-bump timelines? How soon is too soon to have a baby after your wedding?
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